Sheet grabbing. (aka moving out of script for those who would like the technical language)
Have you ever had one of those dreams or moments when you are or feel like you are falling out of bed and you panic and cling for dear life to the sheet on the bed?
Does the sheet grabbing help you?
That’s the feeling I want to talk about.
Losing your script or life story can feel a little bit like this. It’s scary. When you get that falling feeling it’s like there is a cavern below you as deep as the sea or worse…a never-ending depth, an eternity of pain, suffering and that scene out of my head as a little girl of not understanding and also understanding forever nothingness. #juxtapositionoffear
The panic that rises up is tantamount to sheer terror. You grab on to the sheet as hard as your hands will let you and perhaps you begin wildly swinging your legs across the bed in the hope that you have saved yourself from the fall, and do you save yourself?
So how does this equate to losing your script or moving out of it?
Let’s talk about how you would know.
Could you predict the day or moment you will feel like you are falling out of bed?
No. You can’t and neither can you predict when you will notice that your script is changing. It’s so subtle, it’s like an army of imps have crept up on you like the shoemakers elves at night and decide that tonight is the night they will roll and push you out of bed and see what happens!
Recognising your script or life story in the first place is a journey in itself! (Perhaps another blog will be about how this occurs during therapy or just plain ol’ life itself)
So, what about when do you recognise your patterns, when do you recognise ‘those feelings’ that seem to appear time and time again? What do you do when you notice these feelings or patterns? How do they occur and what are the similarities in any of the situations in which you find yourself experiencing them? What is the catalyst for this happening in the first place? Hmm. That’s a toughy.
How would you know you are “moving out of script” I hear you shouting if you don’t know what it is in the first place? In a very simple and short explanation, very much like those trailers you get before a film, you know the ones that have just enough excitement and spoiler ratio to make you either a) Want to watch it or b) not. Well, the answer is, you may not know. Or you may know. I don’t know you so I can’t say which one you will be. Great help huh?
The long story, cut very short for the blog is, with help and a trained ‘ear’ you can start to decipher the meanings and feelings into your script (life story) and then you can begin to recognise when you are choosing to make new and re-decisions (another term I will discuss at a later date) and move into a new script.
That’s the biggy for me in all of this, I began to notice my script, those patterns, feelings and ‘pay offs’ that were almost a daily occurrence about a year ago from the time of this blog. I can recall exactly the very moment that I questioned just what the ‘deuce’ I was actually doing with my life and how I didn’t want these feelings to be part of me and my story any more. I was sick of them, sick of feeling this way, I deserved better. I questioned what I wanted, where I wanted to be, who with, how and most importantly of all the changes I would need to make it. I felt terrified. All I knew was my story, what would the consequences be if I changed?
My childhood messages from my family and their scripts too were constantly zooming round in my head and if I paid attention to them they grew legs and arms and their voices grew exponentially louder. I had a cacophony of injunctions (these are messages we swallow without question, such as “don’t think (for yourself)), mini critics and judges running amok. I feared any new decision because my ‘phantasies’ were even better than any horror movie or twisted Disney cartoon you could put on a screen. (If only there was a way to access this for filmmakers..anyway I digress). I awaited my fate with bated breath that if if I changed anything about how I behaved it would end up in chaos and disaster.
And it did!!! And it was okay. I was okay. This was the reality check, after all the fear, anxiety and scardy cat behaviours, it’s all turning out okay. Yes, there are still moments I check the sheet for its ability to catch me if I fall, however I now know if I fall it will be okay. Yes it took almost 7 or. 8 months to start changing my responses to people and my processes of my thinking patterns and ultimately my behaviours and how I felt about myself moving forward. And I did it.
I’m having an “I’m moving out of script party” at the moment and I foresee this being a rest of my life party. This is exhilarating and I want to shout why did no one help me with this before. Perhaps that because I wasn’t ready. Well, bring on the disco music, boogie lights and new dancing partners!